Ask The BTT!
by moot3100
Summary: H-Hey there!...Well, the infamous Bad Touch Trio had come to my house to hang out for one day. That was the deal, at least. Due to certain circumstances, they are now sitting in my living room...and they refuse to leave. Ugh. Please ask them some questions to keep them occupied, 'cause quite frankly, I don't know what to do with these weirdos...(Rated T for sexy questions)
1. In The Beginning

Alright, I know I shouldn't be reacting like this. Any other girl would have squeed their heart out and glomped them to death, no doubt about it. But I...just can't. It was a month ago today that I had entered the Hetalia contest. FUNimation had a small ad at the very end of the newest episode. _"For the small price of $6.99, you could have the chance to meet three of your favorite countries! Imagine spending the whole day with someone centuries old! Enter now!"_ The screen then showed all of the qualifications and addresses necessary, along with a smiling Italy.

At first, I figured it was just a load of crap. I mean, what are the chances of me winning? One in one million fans? And you know there were going to be people that entered more than once under different names... But then I thought, "C'mon, it's cheap, right? YOLO!"... I am so sorry for that, just couldn't resist.

So I found a scrap of paper, a pencil that was way too dull for my liking, and plopped down on my living room couch. _Okay, Moot, _I thought, _you really need to think right now: Who do you want to spend the day with? _"Hmm..."

To tell the truth, I really don't have a favorite Hetalia character. They were all so terrific! Canada was so cute, with his little bear and shy smile, England was quite the attractive tsundere, and c'mon—we all know the Italy twins were straight up adorable! How could I possibly choose?

Biting my lip in thought, I tapped my pencil's eraser against the side of my head. A weird sound was coming out…_I-Is it…hollow! _Somehow, that gave me an idea. I needed to choose a country that was mindlessly fun, someone who used nearly no thought.… Prussia. It had to be Prussia.

He was the whole package: A handsome man that had a macho, obnoxious façade, though it's all because he's lonely and wants attention...Genius! I scratched his name onto the paper. Just two more to go. Who else to add, who else to add…

I looked to my side and saw the small, mahogany table I had purchased. It was mostly piled with random stuff I was too lazy to get up and put away: Bills, magazines, box tops, dried up roses…

Wait. Hold up. Dried up roses? Absentmindedly, I picked up the flowers, careful to avoid the thorns. The petals were super withered, though they still had the same luscious glow they possessed when I first got them. _Kinda reminds me of Francey-Pants…_

I thought about France's overall personality very hard, then. There was how France was shown in the fandom, always trying to get into someone or something's pants, and there was how he was portrayed in the actual anime, as a loving and caring man that wants everyone to experience love despite their background...It would really suck to get the first one, but it was a gamble I was willing to make. I wrote his name next on the paper.

_Last one, _I mused. _This is a toughie!_

All of the characters of Hetalia seemed to flash right before my eyes, sparkling in all their sparkly glory. To think that I could choose any of them...it was just too much. _Maybe I should try and get a female character. Y'know, to have a gal-pal to talk too...Nah, I'm sticking with the bishies!_

With a sigh, I got up and rummaged through my dresser drawers, looking for something in particular. "Aha!" Grabbing my iPod, I went back to my previous spot on the couch, setting it to 'Shuffle'(...I really don't have an iPod, I just listen to music on my PC. I don't know if the Shuffle setting is even on an IPod, but just go along with it~). I thought that a little music could calm me down, and maybe even give me some inspiration. After about half an hour later, the last song in the playlist began: Muchacha Kiss Kiss Bang. I remembered buying this one specifically in Spanish. So much hotter...

This song always had a way of making me want to move. At first, I just bobbed my head from side to side in silent merriment, though that quickly escalated to dancing gleefully while singing along. I don't know how it did, but it did. The tune coming to a close, I picked up my pencil and paper again, a lot surer about my decision. I definitely had to get Spain.

Throughout the whole show, Spain had been able to make me laugh 'til I pissed myself. Though he tended to be a little dense, he was always optimistic, facing his problems head-on and with a smile. I scrawled his name onto the paper.

Taking a closer look at my submission, I noticed something weird: The three nations I had chosen were all a part of the Bad Touch Trio...How the freak had I not noticed that before!? Filling out the rest of the necessary info, I put the slip in an envelope, slapped a stamp on it, and sent that bad boy in. All I had to do was wait.

Three weeks had passed. No news about the contest, winners and losers included.

Actually, I can't remember if I was still monitoring the mailbox or not. I didn't have the greatest odds to begin with, so eventually I migrated back to deviantART. There were fanfics to be completed, of course! As I was logging in, there was a knock at the door. Setting my laptop down, I did quick breath-check. Results: meh.

Whoever was at the door was really starting to tick me off, spamming the doorbell with every step I took. _Probably that darn solicitor again..._"Oi, keep your panties on," I yelled, turning the doorknob. Lo and behold, the three most beautiful men to have ever graced this planet were standing at my door stop. *Insert squee here*

Prussia, who I assume had been ringing the doorbell, looked up at me with a smug grin. "Hallo zhere, frau. The Awesome Me and mein almost-as-awesome best friends are here to spend zhe day vith zhou."

I'm sure my eyes had almost popped out of my skull. For one thing, I actually won that competition? And two...HETALIA IS REAL!? A dark blush on my chocolate cheeks, I reached out a finger and poked Spain. Not to be rude or weird, of course. I just needed to make sure.

Spain chuckled, engulfing my hand in his. "I assure you, chica, we are real! And as the winner of the contest, you have the honor of showing us around!" His smiling, forest-green eyes locked with mine. I could have died right there. France took my other hand, pressing a small kiss to the top of it.

"Mon fleur, I'd say it is more _our _honor to be in the presence of such a beautiful woman as yourself~" Oh, how he always knew just what to say...

We then went out on the town, playing in the park, eating at different restraints-even pulling pranks on random citizens! It was truly a wonderful day...

But then the Honeymoon stage ended. The full day had passed, and the trio was supposed to leave. If I wasn't such a boss at hiding my emotions, I probably would have cried. But I'm a ninja. So I didn't. Taking a nice long shower, I slipped into my sheep-patterned PJs and got under the covers. I turned out the bedside lamp with a yawn. _It was good while it lasted..._

Like a clap of thunder, my bedroom door crashed open, followed by a deluge of footsteps. "Wakey wakey, mi tomate!" Someone's hands shook my shoulders harshly. Caught off guard, I struck out blindly, crying, "Thieves! Thieves!" My wild fists of fury landed on someone, and where followed by loud shouts of pain.

I cut on the lamp again to see a battered Prussia, a surprised France, and a...still happy Spain. Prussia was clutching his cheek, where I could see the faint outline of a crimson hand. His eyebrows were knit together in poorly-concealed agony. "Verdammt, voman! Vhy zhe heck vould zhou do zhat!?"

I sat on my bed, very confused. Weren't they supposed to have left a few hours ago? Why were they at my place? How did they get in? France seemed to read my mind, and sat down beside me. "We were at the airport, getting ready to go to our separate 'omes, when a _very _unattractive stewardess told us zhat all flights were cancelled due to zhe inclement weather. In other words...Bonjour, new roommate!"

...And it's been like that ever since. I was good the first few days, but later on, they got harder and harder to deal with. Spain was always using my credit card to buy tomatoes, Prussia would always steal my laptop to update his blog, and France was always going through my underwear drawer! I mean, for realzies? Don't you do anything else?

In attempt to get them to do something productive, I want you to ask these guys some questions. Have relationship issues? Friends bothering you? School got you down? *Ask some hundred-year-old countries for help! Also, you can dare them to do things, ask or dare ME to do things, or just say somethin' on your mind! I'll choose up to 10 of these to answer/ respond to. Let your imagination run wild! *cue rainbow*

I really hope the guys aren't reading this over my shoulder...

"We are, chica."

"Ja."

"Oui."

* * *

**Howdy, y'all!**  
**I've been wanting to do something like this for awhile now, and I can finally do it for one purpose:**  
**I have reached +50 watchers on deviantART.**  
**O.**  
**M.**  
**Double G.**  
**I never knew I could do that with just my writing! Yep, this panel ting is my way of thanks.**

**(For those of you who don't kow, all of mterial is posted on dA first under the same username, 'moot3100'. It'd mean a lot to me if you checked it out~)**

**Crappy, I know, but I'm broke and your strangers. Seems fair enough.**  
**So just ask some questions in the comments and they may be answered in the next installment.**

***Just know that all advice should be taken with a grain of rice. If it's a serious question, I'll try to give a serious answer, but how serious can I be in a BTT fic? Your also welcome to ask some questions about my life, but know I'm not getting too personal.**  
**Oh, and don't try to ask questions from your History class homework. I will give you the wrong answers on purpose.**  
**I don't own Hetalia or the BTT, but the BTT owns you.**

**MUHAHAHAHAHA~!**


	2. Chapter 1

If you have read the introduction, then you know about the three men currently residing in my house. France, Prussia, and Spain, known by many in the Hetalia universe for their unique personality and almost sinful charm they have on both men and women alike. You'd think that young men such as them would know how to wake up a lady. Instead of just stopping at a tap on the shoulder and 'Good morning', they would go the extra mile and make that special lady a bed in breakfast, just to show how much they care…

Yep, they don't do that.

There I was, innocently curled up in my favorite furry blanket, unaware of the three complete knuckleheads scheming over me. Or, rather two complete knuckleheads and one indecisive one.

Prussia kneeled beside my bed, looking at my peaceful expression with a chuckle. France and Spain sat at the foot of the bed, eyes flickering between the albino and I curiously. "Aww, Moot finally feels safe around us enough to sleep…Isn't zhe little frau adorable?"

"Oui," France agreed, stroking some hair out of my face. "Look, she is even drooling a little! Such an angel, our _petite fille _is~"

Spain smiled at the sight as well, but even he wasn't dense enough to believe they were just going to leave me alone. Like someone watching a movie, he leaned back, crossed his arms, and watched the event unfold. Thanks, dude. You _really _helped.

Prussia brought a gloved finger to his chin, tapping it in mock-thought. "Ve couldn't just _leave_ Moot like zhis, sleeping vith no alarm set. She could…sleep 'til noon! Zhen she vill be vide avake vhen it is time to go to bed, und zhen she'll up all night alone, und zhen leave zhe house to be a hobo. To let zhat happen to her…it is unforgivable," the Prussian whispered, being quite theatrical throughout his totally possible story.

France nodded in agreement, dabbing at a tear I'm sure no one else could see. "Yes, zhat would truly be a crime. But 'ow should we wake our damsel in distress?" The duo looked to Spain, who seemed to have temporarily gone to the kitchen to gnaw on one of his scrumdillyumptous churros. An evil smirk that could make the Devil piss his leathery pants grew on Prussia's lips as his brain gave birth to a brilliant idea.

He beckoned the tanned man over with the curl of his finger. Spain complied reluctantly, slightly freaked out by his friends suckishly contained 'Keseseses' and 'Awesomes' at his own wit. "Buddy," he exclaimed, slinging an arm around Spain's back. "could zhou do me a solid?"

"I-It depends on what you are talking about, mi amigo," he stuttered nervously. Giggling like the little schoolgirl he was inside, Prussia explained his plot to France and Spain, receiving very mixed reactions.

"Yes!"

"No!"

France and Prussia both turned to the Spaniard, whose cheeks were quickly turning red. "That's way too embarrassing…plus, Moot will _kill _me!" France waved his hands in a dismissive matter, as if death threats were just ponies and edible rainbows. "Spain, my friend, zhou used to be a pirate. Surely, zhou've done much worse! Besides, this is for her own good," the Frenchmen reasoned. After much deliberation (A full three seconds this time), Spain complied.

If you aren't completely sure about my status right now, I'm still laying there, completely out cold. How do you know all of this is going on, you ask? It's simple: I am the ultimate ninja sent back in time to prevent this moment from ever happening.

…Naw, I just have epic author powers.

Anyway, this is what I woke up to: a shirtless Spain sitting on my legs and tickling my torso while France and Prussia snapped pictures.

What has my life turned into?

For those of you that enjoyed being tickled or just aren't that ticklish…you have no soul. No offence. For those of you out there that are like me and don't really care for Random Tickle Time, you should see where I come from when I say this: I wanted to kill them all in the most creative ways possible. Too much? Too much.

"S-Spain, what are yo-HAHAHA!" Spain smiled down at me as I writhed underneath him, trying his best to continue his actions instead of laughing along with me. Tears pricking my eyes, I gripped at his hands, trying and failing to push his hands away. "Spain…p-plea-HAHA! P-Please stop!" After about twenty more seconds of this sweet torture, Spain released me, backing up a considerable amount as I gulped for air.

"_Guten morgen_, princess," Prussia purred, handing me my laptop. "'Ow'd you sleep, Moot?" Francis asked nonchalantly. I clenched my teeth, trying my best to smile. "Oh, it was great, thanks for asking. Say, may I ask you a question, Spain?"

"Y-Yes?"

"WHY THE FREAK DID YOU WAKE ME UP LIKE THAT!?"

Yeah, I was a little ticked off. I'll save you the whole spat that occurred afterwards, because it's unimportant and I'm an extremely lazy writer. Now, to the good stuff. Adjusting my glasses, I logged into my deviantART account, the trio watching excitedly behind me. They were going on and on about how many questions they were gonna get and how popular they were (Oh, famous people, how I love to make fun of thee~).

A small smile making its way to my lips, I clicked onto my ask column, scrolled down, and…

"…Zhat's it?"

"…Yup."

Surely enough, there were only a few questions on the page. Once again, it seems I had gotten my hopes up. C'mon guys, I know you've got some good questions in you! Right now, if you don't have a question to ask but want to be supportive, please comment 'Chicken Wing'. That at least lets me know you're there.

I sighed and cracked my knuckles, shadow-boxing a bit to psyche myself up. "Alright, fellas, let's answer us a few questions!"

The first question was from ~smilebecuzisayso, and I must say I freaking LOVE that username. It read: _What's their biggest fear and most embarrassing moment (I bet Prussia has a lot)?_

Prussia crossed his arms huffily at the question, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. "Yeah, frau? Heh, Z-Zhe Awesome Prussia fears nothing, zherefore he could never be embarrassed. Z-Zhou're probably just jealous of mein coolness!"

"Is zhat so?" France smirked. "Then tell us why you are blushing." The Prussian felt the heat rising to his cheeks and flipped his collar up in an attempt to hide his colorful shame. I felt a little bad for the guy, so I asked France to go first.

"My worst fear?...It would 'ave to be…wearing boots zhat don't match my cape," he confessed, shivering slightly in the process. There was an awkward silence before we everyone burst out laughing—everyone, that is, but France. Let's just say he was _not _amused. "It is a legitimate fear!" he cried.

I covered my hand with my mouth, trying to suppress my giggles. "A-And your most embarrassing moment?" I squeaked.

His face sobered up as he answered, a slightly depressed smile pulling at his features. "The first time I was ever rejected."

"Wait…you got rejected!? Who did it? I need to give them kudos," I joked. He and the others just kinda stared at me, giving me a you-seriously-don't-remember look. "…Wait…don't tell me that-"

"It was zhou, Moot. We had been staying here for a whole week, and I felt it was time I confessed my undying love for zhou. So, I confessed to zhou in the most romantic way I could: through food. I made a beautiful _crepe _for zhou to eat after school with a ring planted in zhe middle. And what did you do to all of my 'opes of being with zhou? Threw zhem in zhe trash," he ended bitterly.

I looked at him wide-eyed, suddenly very guilty. "I-I thought it was trash!"

"Zhou thought my love was trash!?"

"There were flies and maggots all over it when I got back, so I threw it out! I'm sorry!" Any other day, I would have been really upset that I literally THREW AWAY out money (Moot3100 = Grade A Penny-Pincher), but it did my heart good to know that France had taken a liking to me. Feeling better about myself, I moved on to Spain.

"My worst fear is definitely the ocean, and my most embarrassing moment was at my first La Tomatina," he answered truthfully. Something about that just seemed a little off to me…

"Hold up; You were a pirate once, your home boarders the sea…and you have a fear of the ocean? How the heck does that work?"

He clasped his hands together and twiddled his thumbs. "Heh, the pirate thing was different: I was young and wasn't as afraid. Nowadays, I just have ship goods over the sea, not cruise all alone out there without a map!"

I nodded understandingly and turned to Prussia. Things were about to get juicy.

"So, Mister High and Awesome, what do you fear?"

Prussia puffed out his chest a little, trying his best to look confident. Results: He failed epicly. "Fine…Zhis may be a little lame, but… I-I fear…Russia," he muttered.

There was dead silence in the room. No one dared to speak, let alone breathe, as we looked at each others' frightened eyes. By the mercy of God, that sneaky little nation hadn't popped up from the floorboards.

"T-Trust me, that isn't lame at all," I commented quietly. "And your most embarrassing moment?"

"Mein most embarrassing moment is accidentally filling Ludwig's milk bottle vith Heineken when he vas little."

"Zhou _idiot!_" France exclaimed, tsking at Prussia's bad parenting skills. "I love my wine, but I would have never fed it to my little ones!"

"It vas an accident, I swear!" he complained. "Besides, he vas a heck of a lot cooler zhat night…"

Rolling my eyes, I moved on to the next question by ~Phantomgirl17. It read: _*shyly* Hi...um I hope you don't mind me asking some questions and giving some dares. OK. First one is for Prussia: If the bird-shaped Peeps remind you too much of little Gilbirds, then do you like the one shaped as bunnies? And your dare...(I'm sorry in advance for this...) I dare you not to say the word 'Awesome' in any way or form for three hours! (Again, sorry Gilbert.) France? Why were you going through Moot-chan's underwear drawer? I don't have a dare for you...sorry. Spain, why tomatoes? ... um, Moot-chan? Can you and the BTT give me some advice? I'm in college you see, and a Major Hetalia fan! (Yay for the BTT!) But I'm being bullied by the people who were my friends in middle and high school. Ignoring them only makes it worse, and I'm really too shy to ask for help. What should I do? OK, that's all, bye! *kisses to the BTT!*_

Spain read some of the comment over my shoulder and smiled. "Aww, what a cute _chica_~" While Spain was fanboying over her shyness, I was looking at how awesome the dares were. I smirked and looked to Prussia. "You're up first, pal. Her question was if bird-shaped Peeps freak you out, are you okay with bunny-shaped ones."

The albino cringed a little at the word Peeps, though I saw him perk up a little when I mentioned the bird-shaped ones. "Heck yeah! Zhey're just sugar-covered marshmallows and look nothing like my feathery friend. Zhey're awesome!" He exclaimed.

"Funny that you say that," I chuckled, "the challenge is you can't say the word awesome in any way, shape, or form for three hours. Spain, if you could please start the clock?" Spain clicked a button on my alarm clock, making it tick down the seconds at an alarmingly slow rate. Prussia looked like he was about to have a panic attack.

"V-Vhat!? That's totally un-"

We all leaned in closer to him, as if threatening him to say it.

"…cool."

We moved on to France's question, to which I too wanted an answer. "France, ~Phantomgirl17 and I both want to know just why you're so adamant about looking through my undergarments." France looked back at me with a tell-tale smile.

"The answer should be obvious, _mon amor. _The more I look at your panties, the easier I can imagine us making love at night~" Woah. I take back the feeling-touched-about-him-loving-me thing, that was just a little too far. Let's skip over the Karate Kid deleted scene I preformed on him and go to Spain's answer.

"Alright, Spain, why tomatoes?" I asked, genuinely curious as to his answer to this one. He stroked his imaginary beard in thought, before giving a cheery, heartfelt answer.

"Well, they're red, and round, I love to make them and people love to eat them. I think a better question is why not?" he shrugged. Truer words have never been said. Lastly, there was the advice. Again, I'd like to tell you to remember this: Take all advice with a grain of salt. I don't know what the consequences of your actions could be, and if you DO take some of this advice, know I'm just a chick behind a keyboard. If your life gets worse…sorry, dude!

Now that the legal crap is out of the way, let's do this!

"So, our friend here is going to college, and people who used to be her friend are now going against her, those slimy jerks…ignoring them doesn't work, and she feels too shy to tell anyone. What do you guys think she should do?"

Spain put in his two cents first. "Miss Phantomgirl, it seems to me that you are a fairly nice chica, so I think you should kill them with kindness! Eat lunch with them, try to hang out with them—even cook for them! Eventually, the bullies will either leave you alone or become your friend again," he concluded.

Prussia scoffed at his advice, bringing a confused frown to the Spaniard's face. "Psssh, zhou don't know anything about kids zhese days! Here's vhat zhou do: Leave vague notes on their dorm doors every morning—things like, 'I'll be watching' or 'Don't leave me'. After a few weeks, zhose losers vill be turning on each other like wild dogs. It vill be hilarious!"

After Prussia finished explanation, I feel like the whole world just felt like face-palming. I looked to him, slightly sad that he's capable of thinking something so…I don't even know what to call it. I looked to France, in hopes that he'd have something better to offer.

"_Mon fleur,_ you have to be a little more confident in yourself. Is zhere zomething specific zhey're bullying zhou for? I 'ate to say it, but zhou might just 'ave bad breath," he said, fanning his hand in front of his nose a little when he said 'bad breath'.

"I agree with France…a little. Be confident in yourself, and don't be afraid to ask questions. I don't know if it's physical, mental, or verbal bullying, but I say it shouldn't matter: none of them are right. If you really have a problem with your shyness, tell a friend what's going on, then you can tell a teacher or someone at your college with their help.

"And if you can, try to be kind towards them. They're probably just jealous that you can fully enjoy Hetalia when they're too grouchety to. Just always feel confident in yourself and _never _do what Prussia said and you should do fine!"

I logged out of my account with a sigh, putting my computer underneath my bed. I know what you're thinking, Moot-chan's going lazy-mode again and won't ever answer those last few questions. I promise I'll get to them, I just want to tie up a few loose ends with my other fics before I come back. Just keep posting questions and I shall return!

One last thing: I've been getting a few historical questions, and to be honest, they are SUPER HARD TO ANSWER. I mean, I only had World History for one year, and we mainly focused on ancient Chinese culture (Did you know Confucius had a love for birds?) and world religions…no Prussia action for me. If you could refrain from asking not-historically-well-known history questions, I'd be eternally grateful. Well, see you next time and don't forget CHICKEN WINGS!

* * *

**Hola, mi amigos!**

**I was reading over some of the questions you guys left, and it seems y'all aren't as stupid as I thought you were! (No offence)**

**Yeah, I've been procrastinating a little (And I'm going to do it even more) but it's because I was working on the next chapter of Only In the Pet Store.**

***Spoiler: The winner was...Japan! I should have it completed soon!***

**I really like the direction this story is going because I think it'll really help me to connect with you guys...you're my bros. (No PewDiePie ripoff intended)**

**((I don't kow if you've noticed,but I'm havig some issues with Spain's character. He always seems like the third wheel to me! I try to read fics to see how he acts in them, and I thought he was a dense but cheery guy, someone you could leave with your kids, but some people portray him as this roughed-up, sexy, conquistador type of Spain...would not leave him with Li'l Jimmy! Which one do I use!?))**

**I do not own Hetalia, and thank you for reading, and I hope you have a scrumdillyumptous day.**

**Stay beautiful~**


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